I should be asleep right now because it’s 12:30, which is far past my normal Brazilian be time (I’m usually asleep my 10), but I was so tired at 8, and I had a paper to write and I needed to clean my room and pack, that I drank 2 cups of coffee and green tea, so now, even though I’m done with everything, I can’t sleep.
I thought I would take this opportunity to write a blog entry, since I haven’t in a while, and I have a lot on my mind. As always, this will be a scattered smattering of my current thoughts. I’ve given up on focused, eloquent blog posts. It’s just not my style, and I’ve accepted that about myself.
So I am more than 2 months into my time in Brazil. I’ve finished my “normal” classes and lectures (as normal as visiting lecturers on everything from racism to indigenous health practices to public health system organization and excursions to hospitals, maternity centers, islands and villages go). Then I was in Santo Antônio de Jesus, a mid-sized city in the Recôncavo, where I worked at CRAS Quilombola, and social services center. That’s where I was teaching dance (see “The Roy”).
I came back to my wonderful host family in Federação and I was greeted by my host brother and sister-in-law who I was surprised to see, because they don’t live in my neighborhood, and I only met them about 2 weeks ago when I was on family vacation during Semana Santa. They were there for a birthday party on the street, which I went to, and then they spent the night to celebrate Mother’s Day on Sunday. I know you might think the way to spend Mother’s Day is to have brunch and flowers, maybe some chocolate, but you would be wrong. The way you spend mothers day is getting dressed up, going to the front patio of your neighbors house and drinking lots of Skol (Brazilian beer) and dancing to Pagodé music (here are some examples- one of the most popular) that is blaring from a huge speaker that is jacked onto a car. (This car is almost always parked outside of my house playing music). So next year, if you want to try something new to honor the woman who gave you life, you know what my suggestion is.
This week is dedicated to preparing for our ISPs (Independent Research Project). We’ve been working on proposing and organizing these projects the entire semester. I am going to Rio de Contas to research body image, self-esteem, and ethnic/cultural identity in afro-Brazilian women. Rio de Contas is in the Chapada district of Bahia, which is a national park, and the diamond and gold area. It is a 12 hour bus ride from Salvador, which will leave at 9pm, and I will arrive in the morning.
Choosing this location was definitely a personal challenge, because it is not in my personality to go with the unknown. I thought I would go to the Recôncavo, which is known as the heart of afro-Brazilian culture. It is the birthplace of the Samba, and has a very active Candomblé tradition. If you want to study samba, it is the place to go. About a month ago, when I was pretty set on doing my research there, my academic director told me that she had talked to one of her contacts in Rio de Contas, and he told her that for women there, samba is very strong and active. I deliberated, and eventually decided that I should take this risk because it’s a chance to see a completely different part of Brazil, and my advisor has more contacts, so it will be easier for my to get situated.
Apparently it is one of the most beautiful parts of Brazil, full of mountains and waterfalls. I’ll try to take lots of pictures. Also, The city of Rio de Contas was established for gold mining, and is historically a white Portuguese city, but before the city was founded there were already 3 quilombos on the outskirts. I will be living in Rio de Contas and doing research there and in the 3 quilombos.
So as I prepare for this trip (I leave this weekend), I’ve finally had time to reflect on my time here. Until now, we’ve been going non-stop. With classes all day, excursions to various locations, I’ve been on the run and we haven’t done very much processing, so its just been in the past few weeks that everything I’ve learned has started to sink and I’ve been able to synthesize and reflect.
I’m realizing how much of a verbal/communicative learner I am. I’m sure that doesn’t surprise you since we all know how much I love to talk, but I’ve realized that the reason I’ve felt very intellectually disconnected is because I haven’t been having discussions about how what I’m doing/hearing/seeing in lectures and excursions connects to reading and knowledge and history. While I know that I should be doing that on my own, and I am to some extent, I realize that the majority of that happens through conversation for me. I definitely normally have that in class back home, but probably even more than class, at home I’m lucky to have friends with whom there is not a disconnect between our social and intellectual selves, and we are constantly processing and challenging each other. It’s interesting to realize how much I depend on that form of learning, and while I’m here I need to challenge myself to do that processing individually. Probably a good exercise.
Another realization, which I knew about myself, but now am even more conscious of, is how much I am impacted by the people I am with. This is connected to the above statement, but I’m realizing that who I am with on a regular basis impacts not only on my mood, but what I am thinking about, how I process information and what I do. I’m sure this is true for all people, and I sound like Captain Obvious stating it, but as I’ve been reflecting on my experience I realize that there are parts of me that I don’t really feel like are expressed in Brazil. It’s not that I’m actively trying to hide them, but because the people I’m around don’t bring them out in me.
I don’t know how I feel about how much I am impacted by those around me. I think that I wish I was more steady and strong in myself, but then again, I guess this trait is part of me “being myself.” I think what I’m frustrated with is not the fact that I am impacted by other, because that is only natural, but the fact that sometimes I actively change my plans or don’t pursue what I want to do, not because anyone is stopping me, but because no one is encouraging me. I want to be more assertive and active in making sure that I reach the goals I set, whether or not they are the goals of others.
For this reason I’m really excited that I will be the only SIT student in Rio de Contas. I think it will be an important time for me to flex my independence. I won’t be able to ask other what I should do, what I should wear (if you’ve ever lived with me you know I have a hard time with this one), or to use as an excuse for not doing something. It’s going to be all on me, and at the end of the day, my project will reflect how I took advantage of that experience.
OK, sorry that this is so long. Hope it was at least somewhat enjoyable.
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